God has granted me the spiritual gift of doubt. Closely followed by the spiritual gifts of suspicion and disbelief. These gifts served me well as a science teacher, a school principal, and a parent, but not as well as a Christian. I’ve always wanted to know how things work and the details behind the details. I also know that people don’t always perceive the truth fully (ok, they lie) and this is especially hard for parents to understand the first times it happens.
So I’ve doubted my faith.
I’ve been somewhat envious and at the same time mistrustful of people who have no uncertainty about the existence of God. Because—I have the spiritual gift of doubt.
While I believe in the truths of the Bible, it is chocked full of inconsistencies. It is impossible to prove the existence of God and impossible to describe heaven or hell. But that doesn’t stop people from claiming their own interpretations and their own “truths.”
I understand why someone could be a doubter.
Maybe these aren’t good analogies, but this is where I’m at:
– Why do you decide to become a parent, even though you have no idea what it’s like to have and raise a child?
– Why do you get on a bike or a skateboard or learn to drive a car?
– Why do you ask someone on a date or later to marry you?
– Why do you go on that first mission trip or first volunteer to help others?
There’s a risk and a leap of faith.
There are holy things that have happened in my life that I can’t explain. I have felt a presence for which I have no alternate explanation. There are people who have said the right thing or done the right thing that feel divinely ordained.
So I believe in God. Believe it or not.